“Happy” World Mental Health Day

Woke up so anxious today and it rapidly build up. Seeing the Happy World Mental Health day platitudes on Facebook and Instagram, contrasting that with the reality facing my loved ones didn’t help at all. I mean this tweet for one:

The discussion on Twitter over the weekend with people with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) being denied access to the NDIS because they haven’t access all of the supposed treatments out there that are neither listed nor readily available in either the public OR private systems 

It’s the same as trying to access the Disability Support Pension, you need to HAVE money in order to access the treatments and diagnosis that gets you onto the pension, plus you also need to prove you aren’t getting better any time soon.

 

Oh and we also realised that the Medicare rebated sessions for those that can afford the upfront cost for and get into see psychologists are going back down to ten sessions from the 20 they were at during Covid.

Where am I going with this?

There are SO many basics that need to come into place before people can even think about being mentally well. You have to be able to feed yourself, and not just a daily meal of out of date pasta,  you need fresh fruit and vegetables. You need stable accommodation. You need to be safe from violence. You need to be able to treat your PHYSICAL health needs. You need to be able to get into a GP, to be able to either find one that still bulk bills, or to be able to front up the $80+ for that appointment before the $39 rebate. And that’s never a one-off. And the specialists, waiting list and fees if you can even get into one. And meds, even on at healthcare card that’s $6.90 a pop, if it’s on the PBS, otherwise it’s also $80+ without any rebates.

If it feels like an impossible task some days, that’s because it may be.

We need the governments to act, to work together to provide public housing, to raise the rate of all welfare payments to above the poverty line, to allow access to the right payments like DSP, parenting payment, JobSeeker, without so-called mutual obligations that amount to harassment and bullying. That make people less likely to get a job or keep one.

I’m tired and scattered today. I went to a dentist appointment at the public clinic only to be told it had been both made and cancelled on Friday when they called me. SO I’ll work up to it again on the 20th. I think it’s for getting my front fillings redone. I never had dentist anxiety til when I was 20 and they pointed out the enamel damage from a combination of overbrushing and bulimia. Fun. So those of the caps I’m probably getting fixed.

But I’m excited! About the people I’mma gonna meet!

PROTEST: Break the poverty machine | International Day to Eradicate Poverty

Join us this Monday the 17th, in Adelaide or Online or in Newcastle to protest for a better future for welfare recipients. To Break The Poverty Machine!

Lookies ! made pictures for Newcastle! Seeya outside Newcastle Centrelink 11am Monday October 17th!!!

Drafting Blog Posting in my Dreams

I had a wonderful blog post drafted in my dreams, or maybe it was between dreams, last night. Ticking all the boxes, remembering to cover the angles of the topic I was talking about, and not just rushing to a finish and realising after I hit publish that I meant to write all this other stuff too, or I never made my point and which makes me realise my arguments about my point are completely off the wall and probably invalid. 

Like reading about the school shortage stats and getting to reprocess my feelings about not working, about not “being a speech pathologist” any more, about whether or not I want to try to get back into it, re-entry can be done up to 15 years, I’m around 8 years since I worked. Lamenting not keeping registration/membership. Wishing thinking, overthinking. Not really wanting to be working like that any more, but then when jobs come around like “Do telehealth with remote autistic teenagers” I go oooh I wish I could give that a try.

I pushed myself too hard this week or so. School holidays, helping out with my niece and nephews, engaging in politics, with planning and organising, actually seeing people in person, attending meetings online. Made it to group this morning and felt like bolting so I decided to ask for help, ask mum to take on the babysitting I’d offered to do so I could come home and zone out. 

 

Self care or something. 

Fox Coffee Dusk Blend

I have a coffee subscription. Every pension day, money gets taken out of my account, and usually the Monday after a kilo of fresh Dusk Blend beans from Fox Coffee gets placed in my letterbox for the very acceptable $45. It’s usually enough for the fortnight for me and Bruce, for my morning coffee 9which you’ll usually get to share with me on Twitter), and his several through the da. Every few months I have to order an extra bag, which is just a couple of clicks to get at the subscription price (full price for 1kg is $50.00 with free postage) usually if we’ve had more days at home, or visitors. But that’s super easy and tasty 🙂 And way cheaper than Bruce getting takeaways!

Chicken and Leek Pie

A square pie

I HAVE to re-post this recipe after making it for the first time in the life of this blog – it turned out super well too! Well, not really a recipe, just a brief guide to the ingredients and method with you left to add flair depending on what you have on hand and what you score at the supermarket. I pretty much had to start from scratch when buying the ingredients this time around since I’d reasonably recently done fridge and pantry culls and cleanouts and we’ve been mostly making EVeryplate meals lately.

 

Ingredients used:

  • 500g chicken thigh, diced
  • A couple of rashers of bacon, diced
  • Half a thing each of white and swiss brown mushrooms chopped roughly
  • A leek, sliced thinly
  • Butter for frying up stuff
  • Some fresh thyme. picked and then chopped finely
  • Garlic (not pictured)
  • Half a jar of light cream
  • Tsp vegetable stock, cup boiling water
  • 3 sheets frozen puff pastry 
  • An egg and some milk for the egg wash on top of the pie

Method:

  1. Chop everything up and put into bowls on your bench ready to fry up
  2. Melt some butter in the frypan. Fry up leek and mushroom with some of the thyme. Transfer to bowl.
  3. Fry up the bacon.
  4. Melt more butter. Fry up garlic and the chicken with the rest of the thyme, in batches if you prefer.
  5. Return it all to the pan.
  6. Add stock powder and boiling water. Or stock if you’re fancy like that.
  7. Simmer down til there’s very little liquid. Add in cream and cook through. Add pepper to taste.
  8. Preheat oven to 180 degrees, get pastry out of freezer and place on bench to thaw.
  9. Use one piece of pastry as pie base, put in filling, then top with pastry and use third piece for decorations. Brush with egg and milk wash.
  10. Cook for at least 45min, until pastry is browned to your liking.

Remove from oven and let stand for 5 minutes, Then serve up. I do like to serve it with fresh green beans if they’re in season, but it’s great by itself too!

Sometimes we add a little seed mustard to it to change up the flavour a little. Or use chicken breast, or different mushrooms. Or some sour cream. But this is the base recipe that is universally loved!

As an aside, my “lemon” kitchen is coming along, with actual lemons, lemon tea towels and mitts and an apron and a mat even. I got these amazing vintage curtains (well my sister got them for me and even hemmed them to size) for $4 at The Makers Place in Teralba. I love how it’s all coming together! 

 

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Awareness Week 2022 – See the person

Hey, it me!

Let me preface this post with I’m not an expert on anything other than myself and I’m still learning bout her too. This is not medical advice and I’m sure you can argue against any of my points, but this is how I currently see the fun world that is having Borderline Personality Disorder and it will likely change again over time, come back to this post for next year’s BPD awareness week and shudder at my naivety!

See the person is the theme for this year’s BPD Awareness Week here in Australia.

People living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often find that their diagnosis is the first and only thing other people see. The 2022 BPD Awareness Week campaign encourages everyone to see the person alongside their BPD diagnosis, symptoms and survival actions. We’re all complete and unique individuals, each with our own strengths and challenges.

The growing body of mental health knowledge recognises the diversity of life experiences: the role genetics can play, experiences of gender identity, sexual orientation, neurodiversity or trauma can all contribute to our well-being. It’s a universal experience to be assigned various labels throughout our lifetime – and many people living with a BPD diagnosis experience stigma. We all share the fundamental need to be treated with respect and dignity, free from stigma and discrimination.

This year’s message reminds us to look at the person alongside the labels, ask what their experiences are and how they continue to make sense of the world. For carers, family, friends, supporters and clinicians it’s a reminder that underneath negative or harmful coping behaviours a person can often be struggling. Let’s celebrate the person they are alongside their diagnosis, acknowledging their strengths, resilience and courage in order to SEE THE PERSON !

This campaign is informative and educational, having been co-designed and co-produced by the strong voices of people with lived experience to promote recovery, positivity and hope.

So, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental disorder that is often misunderstood. People with this disorder are frequently discriminated against and stigmatised.Symptoms for people with this disorder may include emotional distress, self-harm, difficulty relating to others and the world around them. This can be very distressing for the person and for people close to them.Currently between 2% and 5% of Australians are affected by BPD at some stage in their lives. The symptoms of the disorder usually first appear in mid to late teens or in early adulthood, with women three times more likely to be diagnosed with BPD than men.The causes of BPD are not fully understood. They are likely to involve biological, social and/or environmental factors. For some people these factors may relate to childhood experiences of trauma or neglect.Contrary to common belief, people with BPD can recover! With early diagnosis, appropriate treatment and support the prognosis for people with BPD is positive.Having BPD is not deliberate; it is a disorder people do not choose to have. People can recover!”

Well, you can get a diagnosis of BPD when you meet 5 of the 9 diagnostic criteria.

  • frantic efforts to avoid real or imaginary abandonment
  • consistently intense and unstable relationships with other people, alternating between idealising them and devaluing them
  • persistently distorted self-image or sense of self
  • at least 2 impulsive behaviours that are potentially self-damaging
  • ongoing self-harming behaviour, suicidal behaviour or threats
  • intense feelings lasting hours to days
  • long-term, chronic feelings of emptiness
  • difficulty controlling intense and inappropriate anger
  • feeling disconnected from reality, or having paranoid thoughts

It doesn’t matter which ones, and the ones you meet can change over time, and you can have only 4 and technically not “have BPD” but still be suffering. You can go back to meeting the criteria after “Remission”, because while therapy and medication have their place, BPD is not a simple “chemical imbalance” you can fix with the the right medication regime, and DBT and other therapies can have a huge impact on your life, but again it’s not a one-size-fits all thing, as you can imagine being such a variable diagnosis. Since you only need 5/9 to meet it, it’s possible me and my friend with BPD only share one of the criteria, and so present extremely differently.

Why people come to be diagnosed with BPD is also such a varied path. This might seem a little reductive, but I’m starting to notice to main streams in the people I’ve met with BPD, which overlap many times. There’s the group that have experienced clear, pin-pointable trauma and those who struggled to regulate their emotions and interactions with the world for as long as they can remember and then they get to teenagers or adulthood and can’t hide it any more and it gets messy. Of course they overlap, with the second group unfortunately finding themselves vulnerable to mistreatment and abuse that leads to trauma, but they seem to be the two main “paths to BPD”. Many of the second group look back into their childhoods and realise that they may have been living with Autism or ADHD but not had it recognised as they weren’t classically Autistic, which led to them developing the coping strategies that are BPD in order to attempt to function in this world. Others are the Queer Kids, not fitting in gender or sexuality wise and tried to fit in so badly that they came to grief. BOD seems to come from trying to fit into the world when you’re not the right fit, trying so hard, but just not getting it right.

The diagnostic label of Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is being used more widely in recent years, and often to do with that first group, the survivors of Childhood Sexual Assault or other traumas in their formative years. Organisations like The Australian BPD Foundation are even looking to make their names more inclusive of these extremely similar and even overlapping disorders than impact the lives of those living with them significantly.

If we didn’t have to have diagnostic labels to access supports, it really wouldn’t matter whether you considered yourself to be Autistic, Borderline, CPTSD, a survivor, ADHD, Queer or any other thing trying to fit into this world, but it does, from needing to meet the BOD criteria to access Dialectical Behavior Therapy programs, to knowing you have ADHD to get the right medications, to being “Autistic enough” to access the NDIS, or getting the right paperwork together to get DSP. The world needs us to have labels, and they really do help in gaining an understanding of yourself, and learning how you work and how to figure out how to function or even thrive in this world. Early diagnosis and understanding is such a preventative thing, and I’m glad that children get ADHD and Autism recoginsed younger and younger because it means we can help them and help them to help themselves at this early stage, while we’re able to coach and comfort them, because it “Gets messy” as it does for many in their teens.

I call myself Borderline and Autistic, I strongly saw myself in the BPD criteria the first time I read them a little over ten year ago. I worked in Autism organisations in my 20s and 30s and never ticked that the Fiona I grew up as could be considered Autistic, but getting to know more and more Autistic and ADHD and other neurodiverse adults I’m able to learn about the parts of Autism that I “have”, how the sensory world works for me, how I operate socially, how I communicate, how I need to time and space to regain my  social and sensory spoons after doing the things I love and the things I want to do. How caffeine affects or doesn’t affect me and whether that points to ADHD lol. I remember being called out at work by managers about how I operated in meetings or interview and I can really see now how that might have seemed odd, but also if only I understood that I could be “on the  spectrum” it would have made sense. I don’t have an Autism diagnosis, and I’m lucky enough to not have top seek one at this stage because it’s bloody expensive. So I just work on understanding and educating myself, and working with who I cam to be the Fiona I wanna be, BPD or no BPD.

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Happy Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Week – This is me!