Category: mental health

You know some things just make you wanna scream but you’re tired?

CW Suicide and self harm etc

People are doing amazing work out there. The Antipoverty Centre filed their submission to the national Suicide Prevention Strategy. And it’s good. And you’ll read it and nod your head at the content and shake your head at the lack of action from governments and lip service from supposed support organisations. It’s here. There’s facts and stats and stories and it’s all there, screaming to governments to Rise the Rate of Welfare and build public housing and get rid of partner income tests to help people to get out of abusive situations and have independence within relationships. Agency is important and people are feeling helpless and are driven to despair. And suicide is certainly a more appealing option for some that continuing in a punitive welfare situation.

Thankyou for putting that together. And for acknowledging the frustration that people are experiencing with telling their stories over and over and pleading for the dignity of being listened to, when 2.5 years into government, they decide not to respond to the DSP inquiry since it’s been so damned long since the recommendations were made, which is certainly not one of the principles of TREATING PEOPLE WITH RESPECT that was recommended.

meanwhile, apparently social security debts from the seventies are fair game, even though 6 years was said to be plenty long back to expect people to defend debts. But you know, why respect the recommendations from millions of dollars and thousands or hours of paid and unpaid work by experts and lawyers and people on the ground. Fuck us, right?

It’s more than two years since that qanda episode where I got to ask about our dear Treasurer when things might get better, and really nothing has changed. Rent keeps going up, as does every other cost, including out of pocket GP expenses and more. But yeah. Go red team?

I’ve had to put some boundaries in place to help manage my sanity, I’m going to respect my bedtime and meds times more, even if that means other people have to do more for themselves.

 

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Hello HSC Maths, we meet again

I actually don’t have nightmares about maths exams, though they caused me many years of stress and tears in high school. It’s English that keeps coming back to haunt my dreams – scenarios such as having to re-sit the HSC papers otherwise they’ll take my degrees and years of work experience off me because I wasn’t validly in them. Or something.

I got a peek at the Standard and Advanced maths exams while supervising them Monday. They were the old Maths in Practice, Maths in Society and 2 Unit maths subjects from before the turn of the century. I did two unit in year 10, so that content was 26 years ago for me… gosh. I should have dopped maths after the 3 unit paper in year 11, but no, I was convinced (by who IDK) to continue to 4 unit and the horrors that came with that orange text book. As I said to the other supervisors on Monday, I failed the 4 unit exam by marks but it still scaled to mid nineties, so yeah, I’m told it was worth the feelings of failure.

I also confessed to the other supervisors, when they were saying they don’t understand why anyone would try to cheat, that I’d cheated in one maths test once – a Maths Olympiad paper in grade five, the sort of maths competition where the content was part of the HSC syllabus but they threw it at primary school kids to see what they could do. I really don’t know where the pressure came from in primary school for me. I felt like I HAD to top that exam for my school otherwise I wouldn’t be doing what I was supposed to do. Just like how I cried when I didn’t “top” the Basic Skills Test maths (Think NAPLAN now) for my school. Even though it wasn’t a test that was meant to impact anything. This is also the girl who cried in Kindy cos she had to stay home sick because she thought she’d get behind, even though she was reading and comprehending at three years old.

Apparently I was more boisterous before Kindergarten and then my school reports from grade one started calling me timid. And I blame the strict Kinder teacher. While she may never have had to discipline me in her classroom, I saw what happened to other kids – she smacked them and put them in the store room and other things that terrified me – and that was enough to make me submissive and scared.

Isn’t it fun to reflect on what made you the way you are today?

Sympathy for the Sober

Was it a fun night for you?Speeding down I-5, no cops on the mapScreaming out, “I’d die for you”But after all the stops and starts, crashes and carnageI’m just carsick

I’ve mentioned a couple of times how you get more sympathy for some things when you’re sober – some rightly so and some perhaps a little harsh. Some, like running your car up on the kerb – way more sympathy when you’ve done it because you’re anxious AF about something (finding a new rental in this case) than if you’ve been drinking – are extremely fair. Some like having an emotional meltdown gets less sympathy if there’s alcohol involved, even if many times it’s just tipping you over the edge of things that are there and crap regardless of your commitment to sobriety.

Got my copy of Mean Streak – Rick Morton’s Robodebt book… 

Done two mornings of supervision – the two English papers. Long mornings on my feet, being responsible. Only a few bad dreams reliving my own HSC. Caught the bus and the train. Which is okay, but doesn’t give me the freedom for anything outside of there and back. I’ve masked on the public transport, but didn’t in the school, so that may be where this snuffle is from. Hopefully it’ll resolve over the weekend and I’ll be good to go for an 8.15am start Monday for the maths exam, I’ll probably even be able to drive in as the brake pads just arrived. Along with a heap of porridge and dog treats that were on sale on my wishlist so I ordered them.

Antipoverty week is coming to an end. Very few mentions from the politicians, a few from the Greens. No use of the word poverty on Twitter by Albo since 2021, despite protesting in 2019 that the LNP wouldn’t say poverty during Antipoverty week

But then, Labor still had ambition in 2019.

Finding the balance of stubborn and holding my ground that actually serves me

At my last work place, I got quite angry when a senior worker said she’d been leaving a piece of rubbish behind a door to see how long it took for other staff to clean behind that door. I’m all “just tell them they need to pay more attention to that when they mop”. but no, they persisted with things like that.

I’m very much tell me what to do, tell me what I’m missing, it might not be obvious to me. Or, like some things, I might not actually notice that certain thing, at night, when my vision is at its worst.

So, why do I find myself getting stubborn when it comes to my stepkids and them not cleaning things? When Bee was with us they said they weren’t bringing out their rubbish all the time and that it would help to have a bin in their room. So I got a bin, and then they just filled it and left rubbish around it. Because there was the baby involved I really couldn’t leave it, and cracked it a few times and just cleaned everything when they were out of the house. But that was more extenuating circumstances, with child protection hovering around the edges.

How many times do I ask my stepson to bring out his dishes, to clean up after himself, before it’s reasonable to be irritated? Still in post-inspection mode, how did it take a day for there not be enough dishes in the kitchen for me to serve and make dinner how I like? I felt a little bitchy, but since I didn’t have to dishes to plate up for three, I didn’t and only served up for two and he could find his own dinner when he got home from work. That of course then leads to him using more dishes and me having to clean stuff ahead of the next meal I make. It’s not personal on him, it’s how it works with any person you share a space with, I remember in my first share house cracking it at someone who never cleaned up the cutting board.

We all have out own ways, and my ways surely irritate others. But right now I just have to strike the right balance of doing what needs to be done fore cleanliness and my sanity and not letting others walk over me whether that’s their intention or not.

A bit worse for wear. Woke up feeling all refluxy, got up and started gagging and made it to the bathroom for a spew. Ugh. So another day of pottering. I might find some basil for my Sim. I’ve been told it’s in a certain map, so I’ll head there and pick some for her to take to work to make the hot stuff potion. It’s good for what ails ya.

As your local Eternally Online Elder Millennial, I volunteer to be Social Media Envoy to the Albanese Government

I started a new Sims save today – after reinstalling windows last month I needed to get all the updates and update OBS and all the other things to make streaming possible again. And I got there. It’s cleaner because so much got purged, I’m sure I’ll add to the clutter on the screen, in my life – both Sims and IRL.

I first got online in 2000, aged 17/18. So an older teen, but still a teen. I got onto playing Neopets, chatting through ICQ and Yahoo Groups, and we started online journals and blogging. I made friends around the world. I don’t see banning teens and tweens even from social media as viable, let alone a good thing. Kids already just get their parents and older siblings to make accounts for them or watch hours of appropriate and less-appropriate content. A ban would see kids less able to speak up when things are a bit shady online, less able to know who to turn to if there’s a problem if they’re having to hide that part of their lives and learning to navigate it with less guidance than how many are now – locked down Instagram accounts with a select audience, Minecraft servers with strangers and friends, Youtube channels and Twitter bringing us the headlines more reliably than the national broadcaster.

The country doesn’t know when to actually let kids be kids, and when to criminalise them to to imposed outdated views on what kids should be doing. Access to information when growing up is important, and these days that information and social experimentation happens a lot online. People are worried that kids are being sexualised too young if they’re learning about queerness when really they’re just learning the terminology for what they’re feeling inside themselves that kids in the 90s and earlier couldn’t find out unless they were avid readers borrowing every book in the local library, or were in a very progressive pocket of town. Kids know they’re “not straight” but doesn’t have the words for it, just as trans kids exist and need families who just let them explore themselves – through playing with gender roles, names, types of clothing and more. Kids get to see that Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgender, Intersex, Asexual and other categories of people are able to grow up into happy and healthy adults and can see that positive possibility for themselves.

I’m loving that future for the kids. Let’s not take it from them.

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