phonakins

It’s been a week

Sometimes it’s not my story to tell, but I can share some of my feelpinions. I know my push for my sister to stay a couple of nights at the hospital may have caused different troubles, but I do believe that the time out and the more pressing need to make changes to how we all work with and around her to support her and her family are good things. It brings things to the surface, out in the open, to be discussed and people can do better.

I’ve learned to really like the assumptions of DBT

1. People are doing the best they can.
All people at any given point in time are doing the best they can.
2. People want to improve.
The common characteristic of all people is that they want to improve their lives and be happy.
3. People need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change.
The fact that people are doing the best they can, and want to do even better, does not mean
that these things are enough to solve the problem.
4. People may not have caused all of our own problems, but they have to solve them
anyway.
People have to change their own behavioural responses and alter their environment for their life to change.
5. New behaviour has to be learned in all relevant contexts. New behavioural skills have to be practiced in the situations where the skills are needed, not just in the situation where the skills are first learned.
6. All behaviours (actions, thoughts, emotions) are caused. There is always a cause or set of causes for our actions, thoughts, and emotions, even if we do not know what the causes are.
7. Figuring out and changing the causes of behaviour work better than judging and blaming.
Judging and blaming are easier, but if we want to create change in the world, we have to
change the chains of events that cause unwanted behaviours and events.

To assume that people are doing the best they can, given their skills, their resources, their background, their experiences. That even if you are hurt or confused by their actions, they did the best they could. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try harder, to learn and grow, to be better at what they do. And I believe that for myself, I know I’ve done wrong by myself and by others in the past and will make mistakes in the future, but everything has a cause even the craziest of “Borderline” moments.

The framing of someone having done their best at any given time is useful when you apply it to, I don’t know, let’s say, your parents and how they parented you. The stuff they did well, the stuff they struggled with. Remembering they too were raised by parents who did things well and struggled with other things. But remembering that very few people are deliberately malicious, and even then we can apply the same framework to think about what skills, personality and resources they bring to the situation. True, they may lack empathy, and intend to hurt you, but there are reasons for that, even if it is that they are truly broken as a person and need to have changes to them or the things around them, or both, to have good outcomes for themselves and those who they might damage with their fucked-up-ness. Yes, there are true predators, and they should be away from those they seek to harm, but how that looks I don’t know. But that’s not most people. And most people are truly trying hard, even if they fall short of their own or our expectations and hopes of them.

I’ve wandered off with my thoughts. I’ve been trying to decide whether to attend my therapy appointment tomorrow. It’s a lot of travel, and I’m tired still from the week that’s been. But it may be good to have that hour to talk with someone external, someone without expectations of how I should have handled the week and the people around me in the week. I don’t know, I’ll decide in the morning. The train ride might be nice, even if I still have to pay full fare because they only resent my Opal card over the weekend.

Bruce made me laugh this morning. I asked him a question, and he replied “I’m just simping for my e-girl”.

less than three xx

What we ate last week

Mueslie, pills and coffee

It’s time, my frens, for me to start posting a weekly foodage overview, including anything that doesn’t feel worthy of its own post, such as regular dinners, breakfasts, snacks I’ve tried, that sort of things. We start with my breakfast of choice at the moment – muesli (usually aldi Almond and apricot) with a banana and milk, a coffee – Fox Coffee Dusk blend with light milk, and assorted morning meds.

For our EveryPlate meals this week we had jacket potatoes with creamy bacon sauce, tex-mex chicken with corn salsa, rissoles with onion chutney, South American chicken, Vietnamese style beef bowl and garlicky chicken with sweet potato wedges. Next week we’ll try for more in-focus photos. I really liked all the dishes this week! I made the top chicken recipe of Monday night before heading to my first Japanese class, as so packed it to take with me but ended up just eating it before I left. Super fast though, so no issues cooking it at 4.30pm.

One large disappointment this week with the Everyplate box – the rissoles were meant to be pork but they left out one of the portions of pork mince, so I had to substitue with some beef mince we had in the freezer. They gave a generous credit for it, but it’s highly disappointing and it made me feel guilty for giving it such hype last week. If you wanna share in my disappointment, I was live on Twitch when I was unboxing it, and have archived that video over here on YouTube. So I apologise for anyone who having one of the serves of meat left our will throw even more than me, I hope you persist. It was all there this week…

On Saturday, after the mega long day going down to Sydney for the Ausgrid panel, I was relived that Bruce had ordered pizza and returned to brain-deadidly eat a slice of each and half a garlic bread. Thank you Dominoes. There was a third pizza but I didn’t have any of it. How good is cheap and nasty garlic bread though?

bacon pizza anchovy and cheese pizza slice garlic bread

Tea and biscuits at each of my hospital appointments to get me through! These Gumnut bikkies are still a novelty.

tea and biscuits

And also from Thursday, $5.50 well spent on out of sate and short dated snacks at the food bank at the local church along with free bread. Oh and mayo. Unfortunately they only take cash so I had to walk back up with my fist full of coins later in the morning cos I don’t carry cash.

snacks from food bank

Any food highlights for you this week?

Ausgrid Voices of Community Panel – First Face-to-Face Day at Rydges World Square

Gonzo and Rizzo saying I'm here to tell the story and Rozzo saying and I am here for the food

Over the last couple of months I’ve been participating in a panel for Ausgrid, the local energy distributor, working with 60 other customers across Sydney, Central Coast and the Hunter to feed into their next big plan. We had several evening sessions and one full day online before today, but Saturday was the first face to face session. As it was down in Sydney, Hunter participants received an extra $100 gift card thank you, on top of the $1000 payment we will get at the completion of the program in June.

Got up at 5am and caught an early train down the Central… been forever since I’ve done that long trip! Unfortunately, I lost my concession opal card a few weeks back and the replacement hasn’t arrived, so it was tapping on with my keycard for full fare. I still really don’t like three newer trains with the blue seats, and sadly didn’t get the old more comfortable purple seat train either way. One day the even newer trains will be in service and I’ll get to complain about the seats not being able to change direction.

a aoman with purple hair and glasses, wearing and pink mask and purple tank top — Andy Giraffe Romper from Rainbows and Fairies

An uneventful trip down, Sydney greeted me with what they’re know for best at the moment -rain! It was a dash up Pitt street without the umbrella I forgot to bring, and straight to the urn of coffee after registration. I’ve recently worked out that the reason I feel sick after two coffees is the milk and not the coffee or caffeine, so a low milk coffee link urn or instant with a splash of milk can be consumed repeatedly over the course of a conference or meeting day like this one.

sydney station outside on a rainy day

I swear I’m not just there for the food like Rizzo the rat, but a decent spread was put on and that’s what we’re at least making this post for! Gotta keep us fuelled up and thinking!

mini muffins

vege mud cakes

Morning tea was muffin time – blueberry, choc chip, and citrus and poppy seed muffins for the crown, and some vegan chocolate mud cakes for those with dietary restrictions. I tried them all – even the mud cake at the end of morning tea when they were going untouched. The mini-muffins were generic enough, and I stashed a couple to eat on the train home. The icing on the mud cake disappeared into my tongue somehow! It was VERY noisy in the lobby and the conference room, so I did some disappearing acts during the breaks to recharge.

buffet lunch

a plate of lunch and an apple juice

Lunch was a buffet – roast lam and vegetables, chicken curry and rice, salads, bread rolls, and desserts. There was a cheese option too, and apple juice, water, tea and coffee. I ate my lunch alone, then went to be social with some of the others with my petit fours and mug of tea. I nearly recruited someone to man a booth on election day, but she declined for her own sanity, and I don’t blame her!

The afternoon, while short was also long, and felt like it was dragging. I think it was because we’d been going over the same topics and points all day, trying to nut them out to be able to take them back to “the stakeholders” for feedback. There’s only so many times I can hear the same comments about an issue that’s really not that relevant but is super important to someone before rolling my eyes and wishing myself out of the room. They did have these plush cubes that had microphones to throw around so we could hear the speakers which was kinda cool, and super helpful especially with some people wearing masks.

The party pies were a surprise for afternoon tea, but strangely hit the spot with the grey old world outside looking like I didn’t want to go back into it.

I stared out over the lanterns at afternoon tea, regathering my self to face other humans for just one more session. Honestly, I didn’t contribute too much in the finally session, I was so done, and I somehow ended up on a table talking about fault reporting and tried to be useful and care. One strategy I did find myself using though the day was putting my hand up early to contribute so I knew I’d participated in a session and didn’t get lost in all the noise. It seemed to work for me.

We finished on time and scurried to the station for the 5.18 train. That was peaceful enough until Woy Woy when pre-loading teens got on to head into Newcastle for clubbing. They were so loud and reeking of cheap premixes, but good for them for, hey?

What do you like about conference type meals? I’m glad we got a sit-down lunch rather than stand up sandwiches and wraps, so that was a pleasant change!

Bruce’s Birthday Dinner – Mizumi Japanese Toronto

We really don’t get to go out much for dinner, Covid put a huge halt on that too, so making an effort to go for something nice for birthdays has become very important. This year for Bruce’s birthday we finally dined in at Muzimu Toronto, after getting takeaway sushi and bento a few times.

We got the usual – a plate of salmon sashimi each – they also do a melt in your mouth tuna sashimi – and some takoyaki to share, then Bruce selected his main – Tenpura Donburi, and I asked for the Wagyu beef entree, but they didn’t have it so I went for something I haven’t had since probably high school – an Okonomiyaki.

I have fond memories of making Okonomiyaki in the tiny classroom we had our Japanese lessons in back in high school. This one was clearly better, and who doesn’t like the dancing flakes on top?!

Now I’m all inspired for going back to Japanese lessons on Monday! They were paid for by a lovely Tweep called Eric, and I’ve been doing my Japanese revision on Duolingo to try to get back in the swing. This week I started doing the lessons live on Twitch to encourage me to practice the pronunciations rather than very passively reading to myself.

MIZUMI Japanese Restaurant

2/58 The Boulevarde Toronto
NSW 2283 (02) 4049 2567

Raise the Rate for Good – Poverty is a Political Choice #RaiseTheRateforGood

Banner for the National Day of Action — Raise the rate for good National day of Action Wed 27 April 2022

So, as I’m typing this, I’m overly full of ice creams because I was just on the phone to Centrelink trying to sort out the last of the financial paperwork they need for my DSP application. I’d sent through my partner’s tax return SUMMARY, but they needed the full thing, and then I spent time trying to screenshot it off the ato site because that seemed to be the easiest way? Ugh, who knows? She’ll get back to me if she needs more. It’s been a process, hasn’t it? From applying in September, to the December rejection, to getting the medical approval last month and now getting all the financial information together to prove that my partner shouldn’t be supporting me.

Abolish the partner income test, mmmkay?

But first what we’re here to do is raise our voices together and call for a raise of the JobSeeker payment and all other payments to ensure recipients are not struggling below the poverty line.

I’m currently, as I type this, still on JobSeeker, which as the partner rate is a grand total of $42.59 a day. $52.40 a day including rent assistance. So that’s less than the $46 a day bandied around, because they anticipate you need less money if you’re in a couple, and while yeah, there’s some shared expenses, I really don’t think it’s justified to halve the pharmaceutical allowance since I have a partner. We can’t share meds, you know? $3.10 a fortnight is laughable when you see my pharmacy bills each month.

Hilarious.

When (I say when) I get converted over the DSP, I’ve calculated I’ll be getting $53 a day. I assume I’ll be getting the same rent assistance, so it’ll be $63 including rent assistance. Score.

I use sarcasm as a defence mechanism.

The amount it should be raise to is up for discussion, but many agree that the $88 a day rate that puts the payment at the Henderson Poverty Line would be a great point. I know the Greens are promising this, however Labor has disappointed all by saying they have no plans to raise the rate of JobSeeker, and no plans yet to even review it, citing the “raise” given by the LNP when they took away the Covid supplement as seemingly enough by their standards.

I’ve been on JobSeeker with no obligations to look for jobs for a couple of years now. Cantrelink have acknowledged repeatedly that I’m not well enough to look for or maintain employment but there is not financial acknowledgement of that for so many. I’m finally getting DSP, but it was a fight. I could easily have taken the rejection in December and been on rolling medical certificates once more.

The rate of welfare payments needs to be liveable across the board, as the barriers to work are real for so many, and even once people DO get work, they’re still technically below the poverty line at the point they earn too much to receive JobSeeker. How shit is that?

Also, as I’m confirmed not to be able to supplement my income with work, then the argument that the payment is low as an incentive to work is more than ridiculous. And does not wash at all for how low the Disability Support Pension is with the rate of inflation and cost of living pressures ballooning in recent years. Once I get DSP my payment will be finally more than the total rent my partner and I pay, so there’s that?

Raise the rate. Of all payments. Stop giving us excuses as to why people should suffer and struggle to meet their basic needs. Stop making us beg, because people are over begging and might need to take a bit more direct action.