Speak because your voice shakes

Sometimes I wonder if I’m even gonna “fix” my anxiety. I’m EXTRELEY anxious, and get anxious every day, but if I’m at the point of pushing through it and not letting it stop me doing the things I want to and plan to do, then is it really a problem that I jitter my way through life?

Caught the train into group this morning. Unfortunately it was late – apparently a guard fell from a train in Sydney and had the whole network in chaos. So, it came 40 minutes late, I caught the last five minutes of group where they were talking about what little sayings they use to get them through.

“Those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind” is definitely one I like and certainly my anxiety and anxious presentation is one of those things. So, I missed group, but got my meds and still had a good chat with one of the other group members.

So, speaking because my voice shakes is something I’m going to have to do this year, as I’m deliberately putting myself out there, out of my comfort zone personally, to push for the greater good (welfare above the poverty line for one). Like when I went on Q+A, I was terrified but thought it worthwhile. Like the girl I was chatting to today, I don’t really appear to care what people think of me, I mean I do but I don’t, but yeah because of that I can get through being scattered and anxious to get done what I want to do. Well, hopefully.

I once had a therapy goal of doing what I commit to doing. Which both meant putting myself out there and agreeing to do things, leave the house, try stuff, but also to not over commit, know my limits and be able to judge ahead of time whether something is going to be worth it for me and that I won’t pull out at the last minute either because I’ve already over done it or I chicken out for some reason I hadn’t factored in when booking myself in.

It means knowing myself well, and letting myself be me too.

Dear rich people – hurry up and buy EVs so when they make my Corolla illegal I can afford your hand-me-downs

Let’s talk overdue but good policies. Australia desperately need better fuel efficiency standards for vehicles. SO, it’s great that Labor are introducing some. I don’t buy it as a cost of living measure though. It is however one of the trickle down things that I need the rich (people able to justify buying a new car) to get on. They need to be buying those efficient cars now, so that in 5 years I may be able to upgrade to their old car, circumstances willing. I mean it’s unlikely, I’m likely to be driving this Corolla til it is horribly killed or legislated off the road, in which case I need y’all to get onto EVs so that when Australia does ban petrol cars  in 10-20 years there will be some available to us.


I was fortunate to be able to get this more fuel efficient (ie smaller) care last year before the move as we had some inheritance money to play with which meant buying a car before selling the old one. The little beast is not gonna break any records, but it gets us around. What does a new car go for these days? Whatever it is, I have to drive it a lot for the supposed $1k savings at the petrol pump, and like many in my twitter comments say, that’s not gonna happen, and the only way they’ve been saving at the pump is keeping their cars off the road because they can’t afford to fill let alone maintain and keep registered, their ageing source of independence.

Unfortunately, the joy of selling the AU to a chap down the road who bought it because his mate had just bought one too (are those your skid marks down Cooranbong way mate?) is short lived since that means we not have to fix up the rust and the transmission and other things in the Concorde. So while it’s off the road til at least the transmission is done later this month, Bruce has the Corolla for work and I’m saving money but not getting as much done as I’d like by being home more and taking the train when I do head out. Friday was a long morning, catching the train and bus into group and not being able to do the usual foodbank and Ozharvest run for myself and my sister. This girl likes her routine and being able to help out.


So, again, I may seem like I poo-poo on everything that gets suggested as a reform, but I’m just pointing out how it affects my little demographic, whatever that is. And that while it’s great to make progress, you can’t sell it to us who can’t afford to partake in it with the promise that the new car you get to buy will save you $1000 a year.

Speaking of progress, there was a rally on the weekend in Newcastle in support of the offshore wind projects, and I was glad to see my local independent there along with Greens and Labor representatives. I live in sight of the largest coal power station in the country, and everyone has some connection to coal jobs. But we need to move forward. Both for our long term ability to slow the global heating and irregular weather systems but also, like the promise of the fuel efficient and EV cars being cleaner for the street they run on, for the health of our lungs.

Today's Air Quality-Dora Creek, New South Wales 53 Moderate Air quality is acceptable; however, for some pollutants there may be a moderate health concern for a very small number of people who are unusually sensitive to air pollution. Primary Pollutant: PM2.5 (Particulate matter less than 2.5 microns) All Pollutants 53 PM2.5 (Particulate matter less than 2.5 microns) Moderate 14.32 µg/m3 1 CO (Carbon Monoxide) Good 160 µg/m3 2 NO2 (Nitrogen Dioxide) Good 4.34 µg/m3 12 O3 (Ozone) Good 32.02 µg/m3 17 PM10 (Particulate matter less than 10 microns) Good 20.47 µg/m3 1 SO2 (Sulphur Dioxide) Good

The Singleton Argus on Twitter regularly reports on how many days they have PM10 above healthy levels to to the coal, and also the 2.5 with bushfires. We’ve woken up today here with sore throats from bushfire smoke from Karuah even though the house was closed up all night. Powering EVs with renewables would be an amazing way to live, and I love that we’re taking steps towards that, but the trickle down effect won’t be seen for some time. Til then I acknowledge my priveledge in even being able to keep a car on the road.


January Foodbank Snax

So most foodbanks close over the Xmas and new year period – some still offer emergency hampers and the like for people struggling, but their regular free fruit and bread isn’t there and the other groceries which are my staples. One had its first week back the 8th, another not opened til the 17th, and the little church one I frequent only went back today since it’s when school went back.

$12 Bag

So of course I’d cleared out a bunch of stuff in the move and we ran down some of the other items over the shutdown period. I’ve only gotten to Southlakes once so far, and gotten one lot of the $12 grocery bag from Cardiff, but only two weeks of Ozharvest and the like because they were closed for the public holiday last Friday. I’m not sure yet if I’ll have the car tomorrow or if I’ll be on public transport so I may have to give that a miss again this week.

It was good to restock some instant noodle cups and sauces, I LOVE the cinimini cereal but can’t bring myself to buy it at the supermarket – I only get wheat biscuit there. I haven’t had the Chicken Crimpies yet but again they’re a favourite so always keen to get some cheap. I think Bruce ate the LCMs.

$7.50The melted Xmas bikkies were fine with a coffee, and the other chockies good, if a tad melted. Last time I got te marzipan I wasn’t really fussed, so this time I was reminded that I wasn’t that into them. But they were 60c at southlakes, along with the chocolate almonds.

The Crispy Riceberry Bars were a nice little change. A lot like LCMs, but not sticky. And they had a sneaky little cashew sliver in them.

Bubble tea is something I don’t do much, but these were in the $12 bag, I like the black tea one, not quite won over on the matcha, but I’m not really into matcha either.

I have a nice little stash of hot cross buns in the freezer now for morning and afternoon tea, they’re mini ones so I can just defrost one and have it, it goes well.

I stocked up quite well this morning at the church, I had $18 of stuff but got $2 more so I wouldn’t feel bad giving them a $50 note. I also got some apples so there was some healthy things :p

Where we at?

Got a rental inspection this Tuesday so tidying up. Yeah it’s soon, but I’ve generally had one a month after moving into a new place. We’ve already got it to a way better cleanliness standard than what we moved into, and Bruce has done amazing things in the yard. So as long as they don’t care about the burnt patch of lino from my little fire day two here, all it good. Sounds like Bruce’s kids and their mum finally have to move out of their place, so I’m crossing my fingers and toes for them to find a suitable rental.

Nobody Deserves Poverty

Still no internet. Called TPG this morning at the suggestion of NBN to see if there was any sooner install dates, no there isn’t Feb 29 is sooner than any others that are available – March 11 is where you’d be booked in for now. I also asked for a wireless dongle and they’re sending one with 60gig a month for three months on it – it’s more for Bruce than for me, his phone either isn’t liking being tethered all the time or was dying either way.

Trying to do little things that are really big things to work towards my goals this year. Got a busy Valentine’s Day coming up with the Kflay concert I’ve been dying for down at the Oxford Arts Factory! Gotta figure out how to do the Antipoverty Centre AGM before that – prolly just on my phone and get to Sydney early or something. We’ll see. I’m putting myself forward for a board role, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m actually nominating ahead unlike basically gatecrashing the AUWU AGM and elections and being relieved I missed out on the ordinary member role on their committee of management. Those selected are awesome and certainly deserved it.

One of the things I said I want to be able to do is go down to Sydney for things and be safe and sober and trust myself and be trusted by my partner. It’s been nearly three years since I’ve had a drink, and don’t really want to. But not yet to the point of coming off the Antabuse. Maybe this year.

Looks like I’m going to be doing more on the Nobody Deserves Poverty campaign this year too, at least up until the May Budget. Most Australians don’t think anyone does deserve to live in poverty, but seem to still excuse their politicians keeping welfare payments below the poverty line, so hopefully we can get more mainstream discussion on that (ugh, Facebook), get people talking about it and too their reps, get more organisations to sign on and push for welfare rates to be lifted above the poverty line in the May Budget. ALL payments, because yes, Jobseeker and Youth allowance are appallingly low, but carers, parenting and pensions are also still below the poverty line. A rising tide lifts all ships. And we need more voices of Welfare recipients in pollies’ ears when they’re still making comments about $180k not being a lot…

Nobody Deserves Poverty

We sold the AU so we now have money to repair the other Ford. And I can justify going full Hello Kitty on the Corolla. If you wanna help with the HelloKittyfication, there’s some items on my wishlist that would be sweet additions. That also means that some days I’m carless so really miss the NBN more and can’t wait til Feb 29 and decent internet and streaming my favourite games – hunting wabbits in Red Dead online and grinding in GTA. I have a couple of games I’ve downloaded to play offline, but I miss those one s in particular.

Opinion Pieces Wednesday, 19th January 2022 No one left behind in Labor blueprint for better future First published in the Australian on Jan 18 2022

Emma’s Kitchen Morisset

So we’ve started on trying to local takeaway options for our seventh meal of the week. We intended to get to Emma’s Kitchen last Friday but stopped at Cooranbong when we saw the Cob Shop van and had that (roadside cob loafs?! Awesome idea). But we made it there last night after the cool change came through, and they were yummy yummy burgers.

I had the Greek Lamb burger in the combo with chips with chicken salt and a can of Solo for $16. The chips were awesome, the burger so fresh 🙂

Bruce got the Chicken Caesar burger for $14 and the $10 cheeseburger. That cheeseburger was far from small and the chicken caesar exactly what you’d expect with bacon and a dressing.

We took the burgers and the dog to Cooranbong and ate near one of the cemeteries. enjoying that cool change and the breeze that same with it.

Emma’s Kitchen

FREEMANS DRIVE ROUNDABOUT, Morisset, NSW, Australia, New South Wales 0404 649 547

Monday to Friday – 4-8pm