There was an article in the Guardian this week “‘You can’t send them to their room’: the tensions and challenges of parenting adult children” and credit to my parents who took my sister and me back in as growned ups, a certainly not in easy times in our lives. But this is my challenge now, parenting 18 year olds, when I didn’t even parent them as kids. While they themselves are parents now trying to figure out how to do that too.
Yes, I’m a mountain of stress at the moment, moving house before Christmas wasn’t in my plan, but here we are, and I’m glad that the finding part was so short (8 days between finding out the owners were selling and being accepted for a place). But this next month is gonna be crazy. Crazier than normal for a homeful of neurodivergent people just trying to find their place in the world. At least we’ll fit into the new place – aside from the purple bathtub it has a secondary bathroom that I get to relegate the kids to!
After reading that Guardian piece, I was thinking about the situations of having to move back in with your parents, and how I did that, but I was moving in with parents who own their own home. While it puts pressure on everyone, one big strain that’s come from having the kids here is us renting this place (and the next place) and them being here being in breach of the lease agreement that only two adults maximum would live here regularly. After three months it’s certainly regularly. Them being in their mum’s house but over 18 and not on the lease was included as a reason why they could be considered homeless by the social worker before bub was born, because they could be asked to leave at any moment.
Fortunately we've gotten another rental to move to for 12 months, but the 18 year olds won't be on the lease so we'll technically be in breach of its conditions having them there
Having your adult kids move in and not on the lease ins the new having undeclared pets in a rental.
— 🎄phonakins (@phonakins) November 19, 2023
I guess that makes them homeless still now.
So, when they moved in and shortly after we were informed of an inspection. my fear was that the real estate wouldn’t take too kindly to there being extra bodies in the house. Which is one of the reasons why that inspection and trying to get everything clean was so stressful, not a hair outta place was the aim. And getting the kids to get their stuff done was a task in itself with the new bub and mental health issues and so forth. Fun. But we got there. And then we thought we’d get to stay.
So, they’re coming to the new place with us, again not on the lease, and I was thinking, are adult children that aren’t on your lease the new undeclared pets that you hide at your mates when it’s inspection day? That you could have legally had one they were under 18, but full time as adults is naughty naughty and it’s not like you’re going to try to GET them on the lease when you apply since, like not declaring your dog, they make you lower down the list and youth don’t look good to any real estate agent?
So, I was able to stay in the home my parents owned, but then we’re smuggling kids here in our rental, risking our own tenancy and not just our sanity. And their kids? I can’t exactly being the teenagers back to my parents like Jen did with her bubs either.
It’s also not even about saving for a house deposit any more. Somehow they’ll need to find at least $3000 upfront for bond and 2 weeks rent when they DO find a place. Hard to save for any, impossible on youth allowance, and I know there’s bond loans but ugh they do now look good on paper do they :/
Good luck out there x